I am in a reflective mood

Well I decided stress was getting to me for some reason
and well I shooed it away. I feel a lot better now.
And to be frank I am getting back to who I think I should be
and thats not giving a flying hoot about what people think unless
I am directly harming them. Let your perspectives on me change
I don't care, I'll love you the same. If some of my actions don't please you
well I can't please everybody.

Update on the OMA: she is getting better, she's saying phrases now and then which is a lot better and her colours back :)

Update on Dave: He is still the grisled old fish dude he ever was.
Update on John: Little shit as always
Update on Rob: Big shit as always
Update on Mom: Doing a lot better I am so happy and proud of her. She is getting normal again guys. you don't know how awesome this is. It's been like 1-2 months since she's done something psychotic.
Update on Fatkid: still fat still awesome.

Anywho I think i'm gonna do the thing alleah about people it looked fun:

1. You, as indessiscive and irrational as you can be, will always be
my fish brother.

2. You have the possibility of me considering you like family if only you stopped judging me

3. You can be a little foward but I see our friend ship blosoming into something special

4. You are like my secret friend. despite me not really ever talking about you I enjoy talking to you SO much.

5. you can be quite the jackass. but you know I love you to death for it as well as being an amazing friend.

6. I never thought I could dislike someone as strongly as I to you. But You won't let go of the past and to be frank it doesnt hurt me it just makes you look worse and worse.

7. You are my sibling that should of been. I would do almost anything for you.

8. Wow pretty much met you. did some crazy things. and now consider you quite cool. I have no reason not to...

9. I am uncomfortable around you but i guess I'm just as much to blame for that. i do think however you are really darn cool to talk to.

10. your like a hotter younger version of what I wanted to be. bastard. haha

and I'll finish off with a poem for all of you.

Your like a core
strong together and so much more
I am like your flesh
I cling to your structure for support
only as a last resort
because though I hold my own
it's only most of the time
that's why some days your shoulder is a second home
of mine
And this is the clearest sign
that no matter happens
if things get worse or get better
You'll be in my heart forever

<>< Mantrain

Fuckin A

I am Djing a wedding today
and fuck I feel Like i am going to throw up, I am nervous.
Yeahhhh....
So I realise I've been a sleaze ball lately.
To be honest I'm not sure about what I'm going to do about that.
apparently it's changing me away from who I used to be. Now I don't think it
is but I don't know what do you think?
Am I becoming some irratating jack ass?
Or am I still Rick?
Honestly I think i need to figure this one out for myself.

<>< Mantrain

sleaze ball

I said I wasn't going to buy a 2-6 ever again.
I did. Annnd well lets just say that night was a lil
crazy...even for me. I wonder what piraty adventures
captain morgan will take me on next time?
We'll just have to wait and see.

<>< mantrain

Poetry

I have been meaning to put this in rant form for a while.
But for those of you that write I am sure you can agree.
All the poetry I see posted to read these days
is so self centered
sure poetry revolves around ones emotions but half
the shit I am reading is journal poetry. A reflection on ones self.
I don't see why writers make the choice to let others see this.
To be frank most of it is boring and unoriginal no matter how well written.
Poetry these days has been so raped and misused by teenagers it sickens me.
Sadly this comes from a teenager who writes poetry so how valid is my point.
OH well at least I don't whine through my poetry 24 fucking 7.
If I wanted to whine I would say:
I had a bad day this is why: reasons etc.
Yah know what i gotta stop reading nex/myspace/blogger/deviantart poetry.
It's all the same.

My heart is black
Black Black Black
Blackity Mc Black Black.

I am indescisive.
feel my pain
It is like rain
pouring down
my black eyeliner
Like my black soul.

Fucking goth pricks.

<>< Mantrain

I hate indescision

Anywho I believe this blog is a note to myself and the few that read it.
I don't care anymore. Not in a bad way. I just don't care about
this little petty shit anymore. I thought you should all know that
despite it being quite obvious in my earlier posts. I'm just kinda pissed
cause I put time and energy into caring about my actions for a little bit
to appease one person. That was a waste of time. I think I'm
going to listen to my brother for once on the whole Fuck 'em all!
theory. The few I love and care about and the others I respect and appreciate
this isn't really aimed at you. Yet it seams I kinda am, for the fact that no matter what, sometimes you guys can be really big dicks. When you do that
I just want you to know I stop caring so much for you. And if you want to break
any bonds I formed with you just keep bending it. I won't feel the least bit hurt.
This world has plenty of nice people that won't test that.
Gosh I'm bitter tonight.
I believe bed is order for me
NOTE TO SELF: Stop drinking in two weeks for at least two weeks.

<>< Ricky.