for spencer

Things to do at Wal-Mart
while your spouse/partner
is taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts
when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares ..... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and
pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if
he Knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say
"PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume
the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while;
and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"