Hairy bastards!

I do not know what all this god damned hype about pirates is? Actually let me answer my own question. It's that so called "heart throb" Johhnny Depp (For all of the untainted He's the one who played that emo dude in edward scissor hands). So Johhnny decides to play a drunk pirate in a popular movie called pirates of the carribean designed after a Ride in disney land, Yes that IS what it was Written after. Well, So everyones brainwashed by this movie. Why is it that everytime the media glorifies something it becomes cool? Us white North americans are so bloody media driven it's sad. YES THAT MEANS YOU!

Now I'm going to critically deconstruct a pirate to see if they have anything attractive about them instead of this image media pasted on them...
First off they don't shower and smell like shit that means they dont clean their hair and most likely have lice. They rape and pillage villages/ boats. That means they fuck anything with a hole in it Women/kids/animals
And by now have contracted some sort of veneral disease probably Genital worts or genital herpies. MmmmMMMMmmm OPEN SORES how ATTRACTIVE!!!!
Next most are ugly and disfigured. When they arn't raping they are out at see for months. So most of them engage in well...Sex with other men, No they don't wear their rubbers and don't wash. So just like your hands If your gonna a get them dirty your going to get everything they touch dirty. If I was a chick I totally would not dig that.
Again so they are out for months at sea. Most get scurvy and have no teeth HOT!

So If you don't care how vile and disgusting this person is on the outside lets take a look on the inside of a pirate.

Obnoxious Fuckers who are full of themselves. They have no idea of manners they'll Burp in your face and smells like they dissembowelled themselves if your around them for more then five minutes.

So they are a bit rough around the edges they still might be smart individuals? No they are no different then the street scum you see robbing old ladies and raping kids. I guess if you took Osama And stuck a boat under his feet and taught him to say Arrrr All the girls in the world would want him even if he fucks donkeys....
Oh yeah there intelligence, I guess I get carried away with how fucked they are. So They can't read and can't write. Man that must suck and all you can draw are shitty maps that a kid in grade 2 could easily outdraw...

So their you have it folks before you want to become a pirate or want to fuck one. Beware Your dick/vagina will fall off due to veneral disease and you'll be driven insane by horrible Sounds, smells and stupidity of being around a pirate.

I don't know what the hell the next topic will be but it'll be pre'ee cool I'll give yah that...